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If Google Explained Its Branding of Social as: "Circles"

Google's imaginary spokesmodel Brandi Sparkles explained the logic and thinking behind Google considering branding its new Social media effort and "Facebook Killer" service -- "Circles" -- in the following statement.

"After analyzing everything that everyone has ever said privately or publicly about the word "circles" in digital recorded history, Google's skynet computer decided that Google should name its secret "Facebook-killer" social media service -- drum roll please -- "Circles!!!" (Cue: The digital crowd and the media Googlerati should now roar with approval and delirium at witnessing branding perfection by artificial intelligence. Pretty cool! Pretty cool!)

Google's skynet computer liked the many connotations that spring to mind when one hears the words: "Google Circles."

 

  • "Circles" brings to mind the halos that hover over every Googlers' don't-be-evil head.
  • Circular logic is the leading Google PR strategy:
    • Google's motto is don't-be-evil so Google can do no wrong, so Google can do no wrong because Google's motto is don't-be-evil.
    • Privacy is censorship of Google's right to free speech, so Google, as the world champion of freedom of speech, does not have to respect others' privacy.
  • Running in circles, or chasing their tails, is what most amuses Googlers in watching law enforcement try and make sense of Google's circular logic.
  • Circumvent was voted the number one verb in the world (after "Google") by Google employees worldwide -- as in circumventing privacy policies, property and antitrust laws, etc.
  • Circle the wagons! is the most common Custer-ian battle cry at Google when Google decides to make a PR last stand, like:
    • Google's search is unbiased and employs no human raters, blacklists or whitelists; and
    • No one but one lone rogue engineer knew that Google was recording peoples private emails and passwords when Google's StreetView fleet of cars drove 10 million miles in 33 countries with antennas on the roofs...

If anyone would like to "circle back" and find out what you said about the word "Circles" online in your lifetime, please sign up for a gmail and checkout account, and email us your request and payment because Google cannot afford customer service at this time."

 

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